Another Life
by AvyQuinn
Summary: Snow wasn't as suave as Cid had been. Snow didn't whisper honey-laden words or know just the touch to make her beg for more... **Raines/Lightning & Snow/Lightning - Three part one-shot kink meme fill... 'M' is for sMut!**
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Okay. So this is what happens when I discover how much I LOVE a pairing and didn't know it. I wrote this little fic as a fill for the kink meme.__ It was a great prompt; gave me LOTS (maybe TOO much) to work with. It's way longer than my usual fill, but, honestly, it was pure pleasure to write, and I don't regret ANYTHING! Besides, imo, you can't have comfort sex without the reason for the comfort... hence the extended beginning before the prompt!sex. Heh. _

_Prompt: Snow/Lightning, rebound, comfort sex__. (Also, the prompt requested that Hope not be involved in a pairing with Lightning, so I obliged.)_

_P.S. - I've considered writing a Lightning/Raines fic in the past, and perhaps (if I have time) I MAY expand upon this in regards to that pairing. Raines is SO sexy._

_Oh, and this hasn't been beta'd - just edited by me, myself and I... although, considering its length I really SHOULD have had it beta'd. Sorry for any mistakes and such!  
_

_Anyway, please enjoy!_

* * *

Of course no one knew that they had something on the side.

The curiosity of youth and the pangs of loneliness experienced by a high ranking male in the Sanctum brought the two together, forming a tender and patient companionship.

It had started when she was first admitted to the academy, an innocent admiration that quickly blossomed into something else.

She was young at the time; seventeen. A tender year shy of the standard enlistment age, but since Bodhum was growing, the need for more security around the city was paramount. Lightning found her way into a good, secure job and her age was no longer a concern once she took the entry exam. Smart as a whip, fit as a fiddle and eager as one could get, Lightning wasn't going to let anything stop her from fulfilling the promise she made to her mother before she died.

Refusing to let her little sister get a job, Lightning insisted Serah stay in school and do her best. The money their dead parents left behind wasn't going to pay the bills forever, but it would buy some time.

An important man spoke at her orientation of their futures and of the glory of the Sanctum.

After she heard his rousing speech entailing how their youth was the lifeblood of Cocoon, responsible for keeping it's citizens protected and their way of life maintained for many years to come, she couldn't stop thinking about the older man. He was everything she wanted to be; decorated, brave, a tower of morality and strength; well-spoken, charismatic...

The last two traits, she suspected, were ones she would never seize given her quiet, introspective nature and short temper, but the rest she could achieve through her loyalty and dedication to the Sanctum. She was sure of that.

Within the first week, she'd seen him in the halls of the campus, shepherding the new additions to the flock, or whatever it was he did there. Personally, she thought that he was much too important to be mixing it up with the likes of the first years, but there he was, speaking to and encouraging the fledgling soldiers.

Asking some classmates casually about him, she discovered that he was not only all those things she though he was, but he was more; friendly and genuinely interested in the concerns and needs of the student body. Not only that, but he seemed to have all her female peers twitterpated. His name was on the tip of every girl's tongue. Even her male counterparts admired him.

When she thought about it, she had to admit that he was devastatingly handsome. Intimidatingly tall with stick straight black hair and intelligent icy blue eyes... a perfectly proportioned body, a sign of his, no doubt, rigorous training, and it didn't take long before she found herself falling prey to his spell like the others.

Even though he had never made his way around to speaking with her during the first month of her military education, she watched him; she was always watching him. If she was being honest, he didn't get around to her because she was far too flustered to speak with him, fearing she would make herself look like a complete fool.

Once or twice, though, she had let her mind wander when it should have been on task, and a couple of embarrassing times he caught her gaping openly.

Those were the times she cursed her hormones. They were obviously getting the best of her. She had dreams of him; most of them not at all innocent. She had to scold herself; those sort of relations were _not_ why she had joined the corps, but the man of her very literal dreams demanded so much of her free thought that she couldn't deny her indulgent rendition of him.

Sometimes rational thought would break through, reminding her that lusting after one of the most important men in the corps was fruitless and whimsical.

That category of emotions; especially those governing love fell into her definition of weakness.

All she had to do was survive the next couple months of training and she'd probably never have to see him again.

Ready to buckle down, she thought that perhaps jumping into her education with both feet would help her to forget all about the unattainable Cid Raines.

It was an arduous task with hormones running rampant and all, but she was able to push the man to the back of her mind and concentrate on her studies. It helped that she knew where he'd be and when, so she avoided those places. Also not letting herself sit and think for too long was helpful, taking a turn in the training grounds to stomp some simulated opponents was utterly exhausting, but ensured her a dreamless sleep.

Things were going quite well and she was very proud of herself for repressing her emotions.

She planned to never be ruled by her base desires. Soon she'd be a full fledged soldier and that meant she would say good-bye to unnecessary feelings; almost all feeling, save for useful ones; those that would keep her alive.

That was, until she was required to attend a mandatory social function.

Some stupid dance for some stupid reason; something to do with politics and mixing with other factions of the Sanctum. It sounded like a complete waste of time.

She was bitter. She didn't care to socialize with_ anyone_ let alone other recruits from different cities.

To top it off, and much to her annoyance, she was unable to wear her uniform; instead she was forced to wear something much more feminine.

But there was no way she was going to wear a damn dress.

With a great sense of personal offence topped with a little indigence, she appealed to the social committee. Her argument was simple – _J__ust because I'm female doesn't mean I'm going to wear something so girly. It's unprofessional! –_ but she suspected it was her promise of bodily harm – _If I have to wear one, someone on this committee is going to pay – _that won them over, and eventually they relented. Once the amendment to the dress code was made, they clarified, advising her she could wear a skirt and jacket along with a blouse of some feminine design, but only males were cleared to wear dress pants and ties.

A small victory, but she took it nonetheless.

Much to her sister's chagrin, she dodged the frock bullet but Serah still insisted she lend Lightning some fashion sense. They found her a black ensemble, a knee length pencil skirt with a smart double breasted jacket, and a baby pink camisole underneath. Serah insisted that she needed to wear stockings and have heels to top off the look, so Serah sent Lightning for shoes and promised she'd return with stockings to round out their trip.

As it turned out, sending Serah for stockings ended up being a huge mistake.

Only once the girls were at home, while Lightning was dressing for the evening's festivities, did she notice that Serah had come back with _thigh-high_ stockings. Not the kind you needed to wear an _extra_ piece of lingerie with thankfully; they stayed up all on their own... but Lightning could have strangled her sibling with them.

But all Serah had to do was remind Lightning it was unprofessional to go with bare legs.

Having been beaten at her own game by her 14 year old sister, Lightning readied herself the rest of the way in stubborn silence, her Cheshire grinning sister watching from the doorway.

Examining herself in the mirror when she was done, she lifted up her skirt to make sure the hose was in fact staying up, and tutted when she saw it, a blush covering her cheeks.

Her innocent little sister shouldn't have even known such perverse hosiery existed!

Lightning sure as hell didn't...

* * *

The party was just as boring and as pointless as she knew it would be.

After a few drinks, the choking atmosphere of pretentiousness and pageantry forced her to seek refuge on the back terrace, but not before snatching another glass of champagne.

Lately she'd been retreating there when she needed to seek a little solace during her breaks in between classes and didn't have time to train.

Having her evening start off so _perfectly_ with the discovery of the naughty stockings, Lightning was in for even more frustration when she caught her first glimpse of the man she tried hard to forget.

She had wished desperately that he wouldn't be in attendance, but knew no such luck, though never in her wildest dreams did she think she'd see him out _here_. Assuming naively that she was the only one who knew about the secluded terrace she was quite shocked upon the discovery of one Brigadier General Raines standing with his back to her, staring into the starlit sky.

All at once, those repressed emotions and lusty thoughts about her superior officer came rushing back.

It was somewhat poetic, she supposed, that when she felt as though she couldn't control her desire, she'd come to this very spot and meditate. Tonight, however, she'd come hoping for a similar peace only to be thrust back into that very desire. That didn't mean she had to like it.

Turning as silently as possible in the deathtraps she wore on her aching feet, his voice broke the silence.

"You don't have to leave, Cadet."

Lightning froze in her tracks.

He was wrong.

She _did_ have to leave.

But she didn't.

Perhaps it was the emotional connection she had with her idyllic Cid Raines that kept her from leaving. Totally unprepared, she struggled with what a simple Cadet would have in common with _the_ Brigadier General.

With a held breath, she approached his side, keeping a comfortable distance between them.

The breeze wafting in from the darkness stretched out before them offered her a deep breath with which to clear her head.

And for a moment she wondered if she should say something. He always spoke the first words during their conversations... in her dreams, that was. She rolled her eyes at her pathetic train of thought.

"Can I tell you a secret?"

Surprised by both his voice and request, she snapped her head to look at him; her face too serious.

"What?" she yelped. She'd heard him loud and clear, but chose to answer as though she didn't. She wanted to slap herself upside the head.

_Keep it up, Farron..._

Wide-eyed, he raised an eyebrow at her unusual response, amusement playing on his features, as he repeated himself.

"Can I tell you a secret, Cadet?"

"Of course, Sir!" she responded rigidly and still a little too enthusiastically, barely talking herself out of a salute.

_Oh sweet Eden_ was she nervous...

He smiled at her, waving a hand good-naturedly. "At ease, Cadet."

"Thank you, Sir." she muttered, feeling quite silly as she turned back to the inky sky, taking a deep sip from the flute in her unsteady hand.

He chuckled under his breath and continued. "I actually hate these things."

She sighed with relief, almost forgetting just who was standing beside her. "Me too."

Another deep chuckle.

Turning back to him, opening her mouth to correct her overly casual statement, he interrupted her by listing off the rather comical reasons he didn't like 'these things', taking charge of the conversation readily as he always had in her daydreams. She was still unsure if she could trust her voice to stay strong, so she interjected only when politeness dictated she must.

He didn't seem to mind.

Soon the conversation became very easy between them, both smiling, him more than her, and both laughing, once again, he more than she, but it felt good to speak with him casually.

Like a dream, really.

The food at the soiree, the choice of beverage, her favourite season, his favourite holiday; a cute story of how his mother made him a costume for a school play, when he was no higher than a cactuar, that ended in disaster.

Lightning didn't remember the last time she'd been so thoroughly entertained.

He was everything she'd thought and heard he'd be. If possible, he was more.

She still called him _Sir_, and he still called her _Cadet_, but the polite formality provided a very definite and comfortable border.

The joint laughter died down; the conversation eventually halting, partially thanks to Lightning's lack of skills, which she berated herself for.

The terrace without his voice and laughter seemed to be much quieter than it had been before; the mood turning truly awkward for the first time since they started talking. She took another sip from the glass, her eyes casually drifting over to look at his face.

His whole body was turned openly toward her, his own features as serious as hers had been before. Not _just_ serious, but intense.

The constant stinging undercurrent of desire running it's course through her, raised bumps of anxiety all over her, the champagne she was consuming along with the glasses before it, caused her blood to hum and her mind to swim.

Perhaps it wasn't just the alcohol...

His cool fingers brushed over hers as he took the champagne flute from her.

"I've seen you staring at me." he commented, barely breaking the silence.

Watching the tip of his tongue barely brush against the rim of her glass before his lips caressed the edge, he drained the glass slowly, maintaining the intense eye contact even as he swallowed.

She tensed; her mouth long since dried up, heart in her throat. Choosing to look away, instead focusing on the irregular pattern of smooth slate beyond her feet, she felt her whole body throb with honest heat.

So he had seen her after all.

Well, of course he had. They'd even made eye contact a couple times...

The only thing she could figure was that maybe she had wanted him to see her, to read her; to notice her awkward reverence. Despite the fact that she denied and fought it, somewhat successfully until this night warm spring night, she found herself exactly where she fantasized she wanted to be.

Head spinning slightly, she brought a hand to the cool stone of the terrace half wall to steady herself, thoughts threatening to topple her right then and there.

His large fingers immediately closed over her trembling hand.

Surprise splashed her face, breath caught in her throat again, stomach twisting in anxiety so much so the possibility of her vomiting on his shoes was a real danger.

Was this really happening?

Cursing the alcohol that was in her system, she attempted to regain control of her facilities, but the electricity between them seemed to crackle as if it was a living entity and by the time she realized she could no longer look away, she discovered she didn't want to.

He was the picture of masculinity; so irresistible clad in his formal military dress that fit him just so, that she thought it might have been tailor-made especially to suit his form. Raven haired and devilish, his unusually pale skin illuminated by the moonlight, shadows only deepening that trademark intensity.

His expression behind his icy coloured eyes was steady with its usual confidence but near unreadable otherwise.

Only the hint of a smile played upon his lips.

_Those lips..._

His gravity invited her in, leaning towards him, staring at his mouth.

But a smile? How could he _smile _at a time like this?

How could he smile when she wanted to...

Her dark lined lids began to close of their own accord the closer she got to him.

_Oh..._ How she wanted to...

"Brigadier General?"

The blast of an intruding voice caused her to snatch her hand away from his warmth as she spun to face the black night past the terrace.

Dress shoes clicking on the slate heralded the stranger's proximity.

She could feel her cheeks flush hotly, wondering just what had gotten into her and just what was she about to get into...

"There you are. I've been looking -"

Would it look to suspicious if she were to leave now, red faced and quaking?

The intruding voice softened. "I'm sorry, Sir. I didn't mean to interrupt..."

She heard an almost silent sigh, drawing her eyes to the peripheral to witness his chest deflate ever-so-slightly.

"Yes, Rydega?"

She recognized that name as being Raines' second-in-command and the Brigadier General's rumoured closest friend.

At least it hadn't been someone from her class... that could have been very embarrassing. Though... nothing had happened. What was there to be embarrassed about aside from the fact that she acted like an awkward teenager in front of a man that couldn't possibly want anything from her; a man many years her senior; a man obviously much more experienced than she...

"You are needed inside, Sir."

She heard Raines' feet shuffle beside her and Rydega's footsteps rescind, but she not dare turn around yet. Not until she was sure he was gone...

Warm breath ghosted over her ear as he whispered past it, the nearness of his body and sound of his deep sensual voice threatening to make her swoon.

"Meet me back here in three hours, if you so wish, _Cadet Farron_."


	2. Chapter 2

Now there she sat on the edge of her childhood bed thinking about the 'good old days'; a time when she loved and was loved by the Sanctum's most renowned Brigadier General.

Her bedroom was dark except for a couple candles on the windowsill, playing shadows on the walls.

Crossing the room to open the window, a warm, delicate spring breeze danced passed her, the shadow she cast darkening as the wind threatened to extinguish points of light.

They say that you never forget your first love.

It was a silly little thing she was reminded of every spring when the warm breeze would flow past her. That same warm wind would bring her back to the day in her past that witnessed both a fated meeting on a concealed terrace and her transition into womanhood.

Even though it had happened years ago, she remembered it like it was yesterday.

She wasn't going to go. Well, more accurately, she had tried to talk herself out of going. What in the world could he have wanted with _her_? She wasn't anything special, just a first year, wet behind the ears, too young to even be there in the first place.

But the longer she thought about it, the easier the decision came.

Every minute left her stomach twisted in more knots, nausea never far away, but somehow time passed. She barely even realized how long she sat alone considering and reconsidering before picking up her phone to call and leave a message for Serah. If Lightning didn't manage to make it home before her sister woke, she didn't want her to panic.

He was waiting there, still in his military dress, when she arrived a number of minutes after the appointed time. She hadn't intended to be late, but nerves got the best of her a couple times.

However, this was the point of no return.

Heart flip-flopping in her chest, she forced herself to breathe.

It was overwhelming to be so near to him, still having no idea what his true intentions were. She wasn't _entirely_ naive; she suspected what they might be... Though she supposed it wouldn't be long until she found out.

Holding a lantern in one hand, and a heavy drape of dark fabric folded neatly over the other, he approached her silently.

She bit her lip firmly to keep it from quivering, being reduced to inhale through her mouth. The lantern light lent an inviting glow to his skin and she stared openly at him, once again, unable to look away.

But when Cid Raines, a man way above her station, took a knee in front of her, young Lightning Farron, she was floored. She couldn't follow his form, and instead her eyes slipped closed when he cupped her stockinged calf in his large hand. It was easy for him to manipulate her body with his touch, and before she knew it, her shoe was off and his hand was caressing her other calf, relieving her of the other torture device.

She'd been wearing those things for hours, and the cool stone on her poor aching feet was just what the doctor ordered...

When she sighed in relief, he glanced up from her midsection, his hand still caressing the back of her knee. The accidental sound caused her to look down at him, hoping against hope that he hadn't heard it in the dead quiet of the night.

He had.

And he was most definitely smiling at her. It was small, but it was playful... dangerously alluring.

Feeling almost faint from their silent exchange, he regained his full, intimidating height while all she could do was stare at a single point on his chest.

Without missing a beat, he unfurled the cloak with a dramatic flourish, slipping it carefully over her shoulders, drawing the hood slowly over her head, the back of his finger brushing over her cheek.

And then they were off, the antique lantern in one large hand, her shoes dangling from the other.

He was so incredibly intense that she wasn't sure if she'd make it wherever they were going before she expired from heart failure.

Everything seemed to unreal to her; like something straight out of a romance novel.

Not that she'd ever read one.

Well, maybe just _part _of one.

She had found it in Serah's room a few months ago while collecting her younger sister's laundry. It had been under her bed and when Lightning found it, she was more than a little shocked. Feeling embarrassed while sitting on the floor in Serah's room with the book in her hands, she flipped through the pages looking for any questionable passages that might give her justification for confiscating it. Of course she found what she had been looking for, but what she didn't expect to find was an interest of her own.

In the end, Lightning had 'confiscated' the book.

And her little sister never breathed a word of it's disappearance.

The repeated reading of those titillating pages provided Lightning with the only sexual education she'd ever known. And now as she followed him, inches of opulent velvet sweeping over the ground behind her, she couldn't help but compare this man to the one in that romance novel.

Once hidden away in his private apartments, he pulled the hood of her cloak back, revealing her nervous face. He may have had a fine way with words, but he needed none as he caressed her cheek with his huge hand; kissing her lips with all the tenderness and patience their unique situation required.

During that first – somewhat exploratory – night, she discovered what it was to be loved by a man. It had been like those pages in the novel, but so much more.

Taking queues from the tension in her body; the growing breathlessness of her voice, her honest hesitation, and all those other things she couldn't control, he made love to her until just before the sun came up.

To the outside world, it might have seemed as though he stole her innocence, but to her it was not at all so.

No.

To her, his wordless, generous instruction and her eager application helped to evolve it; replacing it with a sense of female empowerment and confidence within her.

Many liaisons took place between the two, some trysts like the sweetest, most delicate smelling flower, hours of discovering and rediscovering, slow, thorough movements and lazy words of affection and admiration.

Other times, their lovemaking held the spirit of earth beneath them; wild and untamed, kneeling at each other's bounty; letting their bodies do what only came naturally.

And then there were times, usually after they were forced apart by his work or her education, that there was pure fire and passion. Giving into each other's intoxicating lust and carnal desire; nipping and scratching and impatient, throaty cries lead the way to a flood of the most basic and simplistic bodily release.

When they were together, he wasn't Brigadier General Cid Raines, and she wasn't Cadet Lightning Farron. But only in the safety and privacy of his chambers could they be just a man and a woman.

Then the day came that she graduated from the academy. When she was allowed to hold a post in her hometown of Bodhum, she suspected it was because of his influence. She hadn't asked him to treat her in any special way, in fact, she insisted he not show her any favour. Even if she hadn't confided in him as a lover about her situation, he was still a superior officer and had access to her personal information. However, they didn't talk about it, nor did he admit to any favour on his part.

Still, it was a relief that Lightning didn't have to take Serah out of school and move her halfway across Cocoon. She'd been through enough...

Raines met with her once more after that. From the moment she saw his face she knew there was something wrong. He never admitted it, but she knew him in a way that no one else did.

That night, he made love to her as if it was the last time.

She didn't see or hear from him again.

Not until she was reunited with him during their quest for Cocoon, after they had all been branded and chained to inescapable fates, did she have any idea of why he'd abandoned her.

After seeing him; hearing him explain his motives and his struggles for freedom from the fal'Cie did her cold heart melt. She had so many questions for him, and yet there was tragically little time; never enough time!

There was so much she wanted to say that would forever remain unsaid.

And all of it would cleave her foolishly thawed heart...

"Lightning?"

With a start, she glanced over her shoulder, seeing the door open and a blond head peek inside. Rolling her eyes, she turned her head back toward the window.

"Go away, Snow."

Instantly she regretted even acknowledging his presence.

Her voice cracked pathetically, and only then she realized that she'd been crying. Now he definitely wasn't going to leave her alone. Why the hell did he have to show up _now_?

He always had the worst timing.

Sweeping her hands hastily over her eyes, she felt not only the physical reaction to her memories about Raines, but she also felt that familiar ache in her heart.

"I just wanted to check up on you... Serah called me and said that she was worried." he paused. Lightning could feel his eyes on her; the sound of his voice taking on it's typical concerned tone.

All sorts of nasty remarks were on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn't bring herself to say any of them.

He _did _come all the way out here to check on her, even if Serah had called him. That alone was far beyond his duty considering the fact he and Serah weren't together anymore... but of course he'd come.

He'd come, even if he hadn't been asked to.

He'd come because she showed him a moment's worth of weakness and like a stray dog to table scraps, he silently begged for just a little more.

To this day she cursed herself for that momentary weakness.

She was well aware that he and Serah had been having problems. Serah called her every single day about it, and it pissed her off. Surely she hadn't taught her little sister to be an ungrateful and unappreciative little brat. It surprised her how cold Serah was to Snow after all he went through for her.

And though Lightning would never say it...

Snow Villiers was a _good man_. So much so in fact that any woman, including her sister, would be lucky to catch his eye. Their quest for Cocoon and his attentiveness to his soon-to-be bride allowed him to fly up the ranks in Lightning's mind, and even when Serah yelled and screamed like a spoiled child that she hated him and that she didn't want him anymore... He never would, nor would he allow anyone else, to make any off-colour comments about her.

So it was hard to see him beat down and clueless about what to do to make things better.

The momentary lapse of judgement saw her set a steady hand on the hopeless case of a man and impart to him a vaguely encouraging piece of advice:

_'Do what you need to do to be happy.'_

In retrospect, that was the only thing she'd ever said to him that didn't bite or cut. And even if she didn't agree with Serah's treatment of her fiancee, it didn't matter. It wasn't her business and she would remain loyal to her sibling.

Shortly thereafter, they broke things off and Serah moved away in preparation for her first semester of college.

Aside from Snow's NORA buddies, no one else he was close to lived in Bodhum, except for the pink-haired soldier. True they hadn't been all that close, but, just like after _he_ died, she knew Snow wanted something familiar. Maybe a sympathetic ear, or a breathing body in the same room, anything that remotely resembled normalcy.

_Dammit, _she _knew_ what he wanted from her, but all she wanted was to be left alone.

So Snow reached out to her only to be ignored.

...She had her own damn problems.

Raines was gone.

Not gone.

Dead.

_He was dead._

It was so simple; he was dead. She'd never see him, speak to him, touch him, make love to him... ever again. So, if it was all so simple, why couldn't she just let him go? She _knew _that he wouldn't have wanted her to pine for him, but was she brave enough to leave him in the past where he belonged?

She thought not.

Lightning Farron was a coward. Dealing with Raines' death was something she wasn't ready to do. Her feelings got pushed aside when they were working so hard to save the planet, but now that peace had blanketed their world again, she was left with none. The only peace she found was when she was fighting; when there was a cause. Being engaged in a struggle allowed her to not have to deal with her own.

And seeing there was a total lack of conflict lately... sometimes, like tonight, her memories were drawn over her like a rusty razorblade, leaving a cut that took forever to heal.

_Perhaps we could have healed together..._

She had thought that once, but when she suspected that she might feel something other than friendship for the blond brute, she denied herself exploration of those feelings. He would look at her when they were alone; a look that she felt defenceless against. It was like he could see through her and she _hated _it.

Whenever he would look at her like that, she knew he cared.

But Lightning didn't want to be second best.

She decided it was even better to keep him in the dark about both her feelings of friendship and vague ideas of ...more. All it would take was a hint of friendship to keep that stray dog coming back.

Nope. No way.

No feelings, no false hope, no weakness... no hurt.

So she treated him like trash; a second class citizen; a useless neanderthal... as she always had. It was surprisingly easy to do when she put her mind to it.

Unbeknownst to her, while she was thinking and plotting how to kill her feelings, he had thoughts and feelings of his own.

That wasn't to say he pursued her, because he most definitely did not, but he would call and check up on her, he'd stop by, stock her fridge or leave a slow cooker of food on her table. She didn't talk to him; never answered when he called, and avoided her house when she saw his vehicle there.

He didn't give up on her.

Lightning both hated and loved him for it.

"I'll let Serah know you're..." he trailed off, adding somewhat hesitantly "But you should probably give her a... call... anyway."

Catching his reflection in the pane of glass in front of her, she witnessed the frown on his lips, the deep crease on his forehead. Every syllable of his gentle voice chipped at her lonely heart, until her head sagged forward on her shoulders.

She'd been so distant from everyone she loved for so long in the name of self-pity and selfishness that no one, save for one person, even called anymore. If she didn't return anyone's phone calls, she didn't have to think about that time, and if she didn't have to think about that time, then she didn't have to think about _him_...

How long had Snow been standing there?

He'd listen. Even if she didn't want to talk... even if she just wanted something familiar; a breathing body in the same room...

It took all she had to push her pride aside and turn around to face the blond standing in the doorway.

"Snow, I-"

But he was gone.

He didn't say he was leaving... did he give up on her? ...Had all her hard work pushing him away finally pay off with the ruin and isolation she thought she wanted...?

Dashing out of her room, she sprinted to the kitchen. There was a bag on the table, no doubt filled with some sort of foodstuffs, but no Snow. Emerging into the foyer, nearly breathless, she discovered him opening the front door to leave.

"Snow."

Even before she was done speaking his name, he turned around to look at her, that _look _on his face again.

That _goddamn look_.

The one that made her heart swell and her eyes start to water... the same look that uncovered all her secrets.

Lightning treated Snow like the scum of the earth and yet every time she needed him he was there.

She couldn't say the same...

How could he do that? How could he be so selfless to someone like her? The last time he spoke to her about his feelings and desire to be friends, she wasn't sure that once she started talking she would be able to stop, so she said nothing and walked away.

That might have been the single most cruel thing she'd ever done to him.

No, she liked him. Of course she did. She just didn't want to admit that she _relied _on him and his steadfastness; the warm words he offered when she _let_ him.

But he deserved to be acknowledged... he deserved to be recognized as a good man by the one person he longed to be seen by.

Summoning all her courage, she strode brusquely down the carpeted hall. For a second she thought she saw apprehension in his eyes, and as she raised her hands, he flinched.

Sliding her arms around his body, she pushed her face stubbornly against his chest. He inhaled sharply, his arms stayed at his side, body stiff when she embraced him, but after a moment he carefully returned the display of affection as she knew he would.

And even though she knew what his reaction would be, she wasn't ready for the warmth of his chest; the strength of his arms, the _acceptance _and _understanding_ that came from him... that had always been there, offered freely, even though she refused to take it.

A huge hand cradling her head, and one on her back, he held her tightly.

If this was what Serah had within her grasp, yet pushed away... then she was a fool.

His voice was a warm breeze against her temple. "You don't have to tell me what's wrong, but if I can help you... I want to."

With her arms still around his thick middle, she peeked up at him through the fringe of her bangs. Those blue eyes that had always been so steady and brave; much braver than hers had ever been, were liquid now; deep sapphire in the dim light.

They terrified her.

It had been so long since she'd _felt_ anything...

Then...

He cupped her cheeks in his hands, huge and warm and rough... pressed a languid kiss against her lips, her thoughts frozen in her mind even while her body was flooded with heat.

It was brief; all too brief.

Dazed and light on her feet as she opened her eyes, she watched his lips practically beg her, forming a whispered request.

"Just _let_ me, Lightning."

She wanted to, but she didn't know _how _to give in. Almost everything was telling her to pull away from him and run... but she was tired of running. He wasn't going to hurt her...

So she just let her eyes flutter shut.

He obliged her show of resignation, pressing light, soft, slow kisses over her closed eyelids first, then lips and cheeks and chin. His movements were so tender, so reverent he might have been caressing the finest silk, closed mouth and though chaste in delivery, his lips worshipped; his kisses prayers for the end of her long night.

Of course he could not know of the comfort that he gifted.

Warmth welled up inside her, blossoming somewhere that had been barren for far too long. Wherever his mouth landed, it left behind a pleasant tingle, a huge hand slipping from her hair to splay across her back, fingers pressing into her covered skin, beckoning for her to give in completely.

Letting her head tip back in his hands, her body molding against his, he continued to decorate her chin and down the flushed skin of her throat, lingering around the line of collarbone.

She had no idea he could be so patient, his impatient attitude and brash actions coloured her entire opinion of him. This side of him was different and all this time she had never considered what he was like as a _man _since she only considered him less than.

Obviously she was seeing more of him than he felt able to show her.

And it was heavenly.

A hint of cinnamon found its way between her lips as he kissed them, his mouth once again capturing hers, the chasteness melting away along with her remaining coherent thoughts as he drank deeply of her. Stroking her lips; the inside of her mouth, he explored, seeking out her flavour, but also coaxing honest breathy sounds from within her. Breaking the kiss, he hoisted her into his arms, carrying her easily back into her bedroom.

Raines had carried her sometimes, much to her displeasure. Even though their relationship had never seen the light of day, Raines never treated her like a dirty little secret, and she was adult enough to know what something like that might do to both of their careers. Instead, he treated her like a woman, even though he loved to dote on her. He offered her gifts in his charming little way, hoping each time that she might change her mind and accept just one of them, but she adamantly refused every time.

He never stopped trying.

Though now she had nought a single reminder of their time together, save memories.

Tears began to run from her eyes again, distorting her view of the handsome blond kneeling before her on the edge of the bed. She shut them stubbornly, feeling ashamed and angry having succumbed to her overflowing emotions.

Pulling off his t-shirt, he dabbed at her face with it. "Lightning..."

When the tears didn't cease, he took her hand in his, pressing a kiss onto each fingertip, holding it against his chest when he was done. "Please don't..."

His pulse was strong, certainly, but more than that, it was steady. Focusing only on that rhythm calmed her and Snow didn't move an inch while she syphoned his tranquillity.

Once she opened her eyes, she saw the most unpretentious smile on his face, but it was too real. She had to look away. Such a smile couldn't have been for her; she didn't deserve it.

With a finger under her chin, he brought it back around and kissed her again.


	3. Chapter 3

Somewhere within her, a wall came crumbling down, and she returned the kiss wholeheartedly. Feeling his breath hitch in his throat as their tongues worked in complimentary motions this time, she pulled him down on top of her, massaging the corded muscle of his back, dipping her fingers just beneath the waistline of his pants.

Pulling her upwards, he rid her of her shirt, the playful spring breeze blowing their hair about, twisting and tangling it together as they returned to each other's mouths.

Forcing him back onto his knees, Lightning worked at the rest of his clothing quickly, wanting to see all of him exposed to her. Deft fingers pulled at the buckle of his belt, spying the substantial bulge under his pants. She couldn't keep from palming him over top of the fabric, delighting in how his stomach tightened as she cupped and rubbed his confined length.

It felt good to touch a man again, especially one that wanted her so badly. She was no blushing virgin, and as such, she found that she longed to feel the heat of a man inside her. Too busy trying to hide her emotions, or kill them at best, and the joy of being a woman was lost to her. All the things she learned from _him_, all the empowerment and feelings of womanly self-confidence he helped her develop had been willed away in an attempt to keep those memories of Brigadier General Cid Raines sealed.

When she locked out the love, only the pain and resentment remained.

But it was better than being weak.

Pressing experimental kisses against the sculpted muscle of the blond's stomach while she felt him twitch strongly against her hand, his own breathy sounds caught in the breeze from the window. Manipulating the buttons on his pants open, her heart hammered in her chest as she moistened her lips.

She had to see him, wanted to know him like few others did.

Snow wasn't as suave as Cid had been. He didn't whisper honey-laden words or know just the touch to make her beg for more. Physically they were also quite dissimilar. Although similar in height, Cid was dark-haired, his skin strikingly pale, deceptively fragile looking with long, lean muscles; Snow had wild blond hair and was tanned, bulky and thick; healthy and virile.

As her lips brushed against his heated skin, she thought that perhaps it wasn't fair of her to want to expose him, while she remained covered. In fact, it was cowardly of her to force that upon him. She always called the shots; was always in charge of every aspect of her life... And in the end, she wanted him to look at her; apart from all the cruel words and disapproving tone.

So many times he offered himself... maybe not in _this_ way... but she felt it was time for her to return the favour.

Shuffling backward, she unclasped her bra, and pulled it off. Goosebumps rose on her skin, her nipples stiffening as the breeze blew across her torso. Snow's eyes widened slightly, his gaze sweeping over her, eagerly appreciating the bold tactic she displayed.

"I've... never needed anyone before..." she admitted, not entirely knowing what she meant by the statement when she uttered it. Perhaps it was, in its duality, a display of both dominance and submission, both telling and asking.

Wiggling out of her pants and underwear, she tossed them aside, a soft pink triangle of curls concealing the swollen mound between her legs. Kneeling before him, she let him get a good look at her, clasping her hands behind her back to keep them from covering herself, wondering where all that feminine power Raines had instilled in her went when she needed it most.

It was the sound of his husky voice that begged her to look at him.

"I have..." Snow whispered, cupping her face, kissing her gently again like he did back in the hallway. His continued words barely skimmed her lips. "...and ...I do."

It was a long moment before she was able to understand the sounds he strung together, slowly building the words in her head; the honesty in his kisses having rendered her higher brain functions useless.

"Snow..." she started weakly, her own words stolen when she saw him undressing himself.

First the pants went, then the shorts; his once cramped manhood standing almost painfully erect, but straight and proud. Unlike her, he didn't shy away or almost succumb to modesty...

Throat dry, she couldn't take her eyes off him... off _it_. He was most definitely the most well-endowed man she'd ever seen, not that her list was long... but Raines had been _more _than enough for her.

Snow was going to be a... stretch.

Before she could give that anymore thought, he was assaulting her sweetly with his hands, fondling and appreciating her waist, her hips, her rounded backside... leaving excited, raised flesh in their wake.

His tongue and lips laved affection on the gentle curve of her neck and shoulders. Her fingers curled in his hair, keeping his head flush against her skin urging that hot mouth of his to her aching breasts. He wasted no time in giving her exactly what she wanted and when her nipple slipped past his lips, his tongue flicked back and forth firmly, drawing a long shiver from her. That eager mouth of his descended on her other breast, her hands knotted tightly in his hair. His deep, engaged moan reverberated through her flesh where he was attached to her, thrumming the tightness that had been building inside her ever since he first kissed her. Nipping the hardened bud with his teeth, she hissed in pleasure.

Lightning pushed down his head, needing him somewhere more urgent, but he didn't give in. Instead, her breast was halfway engulfed in the heat of his mouth before her arms turned to jelly, forgetting their fight, and he won.

Working his way up her chest, he was noisy, the wet, salacious sounds delicious in her ear.

She couldn't see, her eyelids too heavy to keep open, but she felt him against her; his thick, hard member rubbing against her thigh. She hadn't exactly forgotten it was there, but he was pretty good with his hands, so she hadn't missed it until now. Righting her head from it's lolled back position, her lusty eyes opened just in time for a hand to squeeze her hip, urging it forward until he drove his hardened length easily between her dripping thighs. She gasped in surprise, and he captured her mouth with his, rubbing himself against plumped lips. Her body undulated of its own accord, enjoying his engorged column sliding against her, slicking him up.

Feeling his body moving against hers, seeking pleasure and comfort, she could do little else but acquiesce, clenching her thighs together in some sort of desperate rhythm. At some point the kiss had broke, and she found herself panting brokenly against his chest. Slim hands sunk themselves into coarse blond hair again and Lightning pulled his mouth down to hers, moaning in tandem while they worked against one another, finding vacant mouths to swallow one another's sounds.

If there was anything Lightning would remember for the rest of her life, it was his warmth. Not just in _how_ he touched her, but the way he was physically warm, like a great big blanket as he positioned himself above her.

Walking the length of his jaw, he smiled down at her, kissing that fingertip as it passed over his lips and down his chest, her hands finally tracing the line of his chest and stomach, all tight, hot, hard muscle.

His masculinity was intoxicating.

Raines had always been cool. His body always controlled, performing in a calculated manner, he never snapped, never was anything but composed in front of everyone, including her. Even during their most passionate lovemaking, his hands... they stayed _cool_. No matter how much she melted beneath those hands... he remained a separate entity.

He was a pretty item she had fleeting possession of – never warming as she held him; like he never belonged to her; like he wasn't meant to.

Snow _felt_ different. Their bodies melded together. You could almost see the heat rising from their skin.

Raines had always appealed to her femininity, bringing out the strong woman in her, telling her that she should always rely on herself; believe in herself; be independent, but in that moment, she wanted the comfort Snow offered very plainly between his own legs.

She _wanted _it... she _needed_ it... needed to feel something alive and passionate swell in her again.

Tilting her hips forward, she allowed her legs to fall open, and he began to settle into her parted thighs, stroking himself thoughtfully – perhaps a bit hesitantly – before she felt him nudge against her. Smooth, slick skin rubbed teasingly against her lips, prodding her entrance, then running the full length of her sex and back. He explored her folds sensually, pillowed by each side as he drug his blunt, scorching tip through her slick salve, an uncontrolled gasp escaping him.

It surprised her to hear his husky voice; to see his lips part... eyes shut tightly in concentration, but more than that, it caused something inside her to clench involuntarily. He was incredibly sexy above her fighting against the inevitable... holding onto_ something_...

In that moment, it wasn't just all about her, and her pleasure...

She wanted it to be about him too. He wasn't there for her... they were there for each other.

She knew how he felt when Serah left him, but she gave him no comfort, no compassion. And he had no idea what had happened to her to turn her so cold... and yet, even though he was clueless, all he had wanted to do was help.

Sneaking her hand down her belly, she wrapped her fingers around his slippery head, stroking it gently before placing it at her aching passage.

Their eyes met.

Without breaking eye contact, he placed her small hand on top of his, somewhere midway down his thick shaft and pushed himself into her.

Lightning felt herself spread; couldn't help her eyes when they widened, feeling the thickest part of his head push into her and be accepted with a thrilling clench. The last thing she saw was his eyes almost scrutinizing her face before they shut and he filled her only so far... His guiding fist controlled his depth, as he began to move, their fingers encircling him rubbing maddeningly against her swollen entrance.

Making a mental note not to go such a long time without doing this again, she still felt the dull stretch of his manhood inside her, even though she was so thoroughly aroused. After shallow thrusts, still tempered by his hand, he pulled out of her, leaving her feeling gaping and empty.

But that feeling was thankfully short-lived.

With his hands supporting himself on either side of her, his reentry was blissful, thrusts still shallow and controlled, though he was biting his lip, his eyebrows furrowed in intense concentration.

She wasn't sure if it was her own throbbing she felt or if it was his inside of her, but his caution was driving them both insane with need; of that she was sure. It wasn't that it was unpleasant; far from it. It just wasn't _enough._

Wrapping her legs around his backside, she savagely bucked her hips, taking him to the hilt as they both gasped. Snow's face screwed up atop her, and she kissed him, needing a distraction from the thorough filling of her heat. He remained unnaturally stiff, not even returning her kiss and she felt his body quake, his elbows close to buckling.

Snow began to pant raggedly, a curse dropping from his lips and against hers.

Raines never cursed... and never, ever, lost complete control.

A wicked little smile curled across her lips, and she pushed her tongue into Snow's mouth.

With a hungry growl, he pulled her into his lap, his own legs folded beneath him. Without giving her a chance to settle, his hands closed around her waist, snapping his hips to thrust into her heat as she grappled onto him. Letting herself be bounced in his lap, she was thrilled when he sought out her mouth with his own.

She was so _full_. That's all she could think as she took him in over and over again. It had been borderline painful at first, but seeing that look of surprise and desperate need on his face had been enough of a distraction, and a turn on, that now all she felt was the pressure and pleasure.

Securely latched onto him, his hands flew all over her body, never over the same place twice in an attempt to feel all that he could of her. Clinging to him, their chests slid over one another's, a thin sheen of sweat beginning to cover their bodies. The breeze took some of their heat with it as it swirled around them, only to be gulped in greedily as they refused to let their mouths fully part.

Drunk on the power of being his undoing, wild movements, and frenzied motions, she could feel bliss creeping up on her. But keened when he stopped moving completely.

"I..." he panted "I... can't keep that up... You've got me so... close already..."

Ok, so maybe they had to work on his stamina a little... Though, this gave her the opportunity to take over the encounter and that thought made her seize around him. He sucked in a tight breath, sounding as though he might have been in some physical pain. The soldier decided it was time for a change of pace.

Hands on his chest, she shifted her weight pushing him backwards onto the bed. He yelped when he bounced slightly on the mattress and they knocked foreheads.

"Ow..." He chuckled, the tension that marred his face a second ago gone.

Lightning scowled, rubbing her fingertips over her brow. "Thick headed bastard..."

Her comment made him laugh even more and the more he laughed, the harder it got for her to maintain her frown. Giving in, she chortled quietly. For a moment they laughed together at the silly little mishap; the first real laugh Lightning had experienced in a long while.

But she didn't notice when he stopped suddenly, still chuckling despite herself. Eventually she realized he wasn't laughing anymore, and embarrassment dusted her cheeks.

He was giving her that _look_ again.

"Why... does it always feel as though you can see through me...?"

His eyes squinted in thought for a moment before he answered.

"I think..."

Brushing the backs of his knuckles over her damp cheek, he threaded his hand into her hair, his fingers running down the wavy length that fell over her unblemished shoulder.

"I think that..." he fixed his gaze on that shoulder as he continued "...you've lost something. Like I have." his voice dropped when he looked back to her. "I can see it."

She didn't know what he'd say to that question. A serious answer is what she wanted most, but what she least expected.

Snow, of all people, was absolutely right.

Tears sprung to her eyes for the third time that night.

"Hey, hey..." he cooed.

Grasping her head gently between his hands, he brought it down to press featherlight kisses all over her face even though her tears dripped onto his cheeks.

"I didn't mean to make you cry again..."

For the moment, she just let herself go... let herself be honest with him. She obviously didn't need to say anything, she'd never given him enough credit – or any for that matter – when it came to anything important. She felt guilty as hell on all sorts of levels now.

But a couple compassionate caresses of his lips on hers brought her around again to realize he was still nestled inside of her.

Possibly the only person in the world that understood her was beneath her honest, weeping, pathetically needy body. Parting their mouths, she pressed a set of kisses down his jawline, and across his collarbone. Straddling his wide hips, she wiggled her backside ever-so-slightly, hearing him suck in a hasty breath.

For now she wanted to forget. There would be time later to apologize for all the awful things she said and did; all those things he didn't deserve from her.

Exploring his smooth, tanned skin with her tongue, he lay vulnerable; totally open to her. During her unhurried exploration, she set a steady pace with her hips, grinding against him, her own breaths short. Finding the perfect angle all on her own, she panted against his chest, his hands trailing along the nape of her neck, stroking lovingly.

The back of her neck tingled pleasantly, that feeling trickling down into her groin, her head already swirling as she neared her release. Clenching her jaw, she sat up on him to take him deeper, his hands immediately cupping her breasts, working on ruthlessly on circling her nipples.

Lightning's body flushed with a final heat, and suddenly everything; the breeze, his hands, his thickness inside her, her heartbeat almost bursting through her chest all bled into one perfect feeling of euphoria as she cried out, quivering deliciously as her orgasm took her.

Once her clenching around him slowed, she sunk into his chest once again, spent, tonguing and sucking on one of his nipples half-heartedly. Regaining her senses rather quickly, she began to move her hips again, impaling herself easily on him after the gush of passion between her legs, tightening her passageway.

Peeking at his face, he had his bottom lip trapped cutely between his teeth, his eyes clamped shut while she worked. She couldn't help but stifle a smile.

He speared her firmly a couple more times before manhandling her thighs and slipping out of her, his member pulsating between the firm cheeks of her buttocks while he shuddered and groaned deeply in his throat.

Without making a presentation of it, he slipped back inside her, his softening length still stiff enough to make her hum in appreciation. His lazy hands trailing up and down her back turned her spine to pudding, her body completely boneless after such a pent up release...

Unsure of how she was able to still _think_, Lightning found that those thoughts floated back to Raines. Before Snow, she'd only ever had one man. And that man was a hell of a man to measure up to, but she realized that they _didn't_ have to measure up to each other.

No.

Cid was the leading man in another life, but it was clear to her, only now, that Snow could be her leading man...

... If he would have her.

Somehow being with Snow felt impossibly right.

Perhaps it was true that she'd never forget about her first love and maybe it would always sting when she thought about him. Some people were lucky enough to be able to be with their first love forever... but, like her, most of the time people just had to move on.

Lightning Farron never believed she would love again, and it would take the love of a good man to help her. Time would heal all wounds; although this time, she wouldn't be afraid to let him help her.

"Hey, Snow?"

Snow hummed in acknowledgement, twisting a piece of rose coloured hair between his fingertips.

"Can I tell you a secret...?"


End file.
